Just like that, 10 years of yearning.
It feels normal to think of that day as past and move on. But moving on is something else. Even though I go through my days and do things that make me happy, something will remind me of you in the end.
Staring at the mirror reminds me of you, since everybody says I look like you.
Actually, it traumatized me when I was a little girl; everybody would tease me that I was just a baby you picked up from the trash. They told me we weren't related. I wouldn't let them see me cry because I hid those little tears before they fell.
But as I grew up, I developed some noticeable features, and later, when they tried to tease me again, I brushed it off because I could see our resemblance.
We love to read; even Lola does. Maybe that’s why I love to buy books. You and Lola influenced me to embrace my love for reading. We always have a newspaper at home, and every week we have Liwayway magazine. Those silent moments every Sunday morning, when you read the newspaper and I scan the magazine, are really good memories.
We both also love music. You influence me in so many ways that I embrace even your type of music. And because of that, every time I listen to your favorite songs… it sometimes makes me tear up. We have so many memories connected to music. We used to jam on the guitar you bought me, and the songhits I bought on the way home from school. Those were the days I missed so much.
Every time I came across a paddle-like stick, it reminded me of you, too. When I was young, you used that thing to correct me or punish me for something I’d done wrong, and I felt bad and hated you then. But looking back today, I just laugh about it because those were good old days that taught me.
We have never been far away from each other; maybe that is why I am so attached to you. Though you gave me an earful growing up, it never felt like hate. You never got angry easily; that is why I know I did really badly whenever you spanked me.
You taught me how to handle every peso. I learned to be content with what I have and be thankful if I have more. You always told me, ‘magtiis muna,’ since our finances weren't that great back then, when all of us, my siblings, were studying.
I just wished that I could have given you more before you left. I have bought many books that I think you might love to read. The internet is way faster now, so I don’t need to buy song hits to play the guitar, and I think you will love that too. We could watch more movies together since you love watching films. We could talk more about my day and work. You could rant all you want, and I'd make time for you, but we're not that lucky to have those moments now.
Well, I guess you taught me enough to face every challenge in life. You might not be here physically, but every time I make a decision, I think of you. I know you are proud of what I’ve become, and it would be nice to hear you praise me again.
Today, if you were here, you'd already be 71 years old. You might love to hang out with your apo’s, but I guess storytelling about you would be best for now. I’m glad you love taking pictures, and I do too. It preserves so many of your best smiles and memories.
Loving and missing you will be with me forever. Those fragments made from losing you will never be whole again, but we are moving forward to do what you taught us and make you proud, even if you are in heaven.
I love you, and happy birthday, Tatay!
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